So, at some point it is out of your hands

I am sitting here with about a million things running thru my head (they are each going about 60mph and running into each other, too).  I am trying to figure out what I can do to make something happen, but I am at a loss.

I want to find a job, I am tired of sitting at home.  I am tired of feeling like I am not contributing to...well...anything.  I want to feel like I am worth something.

All that said, I know I am doing every thing I can possibly do.  I can not make the phone ring simply by looking at it (trust me, I have tried).  I can not make those emails saying "thank you for your interest in blah, blah, blah company..." go away (again, I have tried).

I need to embrace one of my mantras, I can not control what others do, only what I do.  This has been particularly hard recently.  I am not sure if it is because I am feeling pressure from family (I am), internal pressure (I am) or if it is because of the holidays (??), all I know is I have lost sleep over not being able to control what others do (have my kids taught me nothing?).

I need to realize that I have done everything I can.  It is out of my hands (much like when you press send on a text).  All I can do is continue to prove to myself that I will succeed and eventually a company is going to get a helluva person.  I know that once I am given an opportunity, I will make the most of it.  Whatever somebody sitting in a cubicle decides to do, is not within my power. 

Who am I kidding?  While this is easy to type, I am sure I will toss and turn tonight trying to figure out what the next step is.