So, is it normal...

Sometimes I wonder about myself. 

Is it normal to:

-want to jam cotton balls in my ears and act like I can not hear my son or daughter ask the same questions over and over and over and...

-enjoy sitting in the dark (hey, I've lived my entire life there) and enjoy the peacefulness...

-completely lose yourself in thoughts about winning the Powerball and how you would spend it, even though you know there is almost zero chance of that happening (I really think I will hit someday)...

-doubt yourself even at the age of 36...

-want your kids to grow out of that frustrating phase and want them to not age at all...

-wonder if I will ever be able to eat whatever I want without gaining weight (unfortunately I already know the answer to this one...boo!)...

-want to go back to college so I can relive such amazing memories as a certain roommate peeing on the answering machine (he's now a father of two)...

-want to go back to college to smack myself when I chose journalism as my major (I'm a moron)...

-think that even though I am getting older, I am invincible...

-think that even though I am getting older, I am weak...

-wonder how I am  going to be able to raise two kids by myself (half of the time)...

And finally...

-want to continually reinvent myself?

So, Happy Birthday Dad

Dear Dad,

Happy 65th Birthday!  I wish you could be here, but hey, you have a lot going on right now.

I just wanted to fill you in on what I think you would be doing if you could be with us.

There is no doubt that you would absolutely love your grandchildren.  Luke looks just like us (poor, poor kid) but he is more athletic than you and smarter than me (I know that isn't that tough).  He is so dang sweaty, I do not know where that comes from. 

Luke is starting second grade at Fort Allen Elementary.  Crazy, I know, since I am in the house I grew up in and I went to Maxwell.  He is excited because his homeroom will have a guinea pig in it.  The kid loves animals. 

He is also a huge a fan of soccer...I know, I think I failed at raising the next great baseball player.  That said he also loves art, which comes directly from you.  I still remember the funny drawings you would doodle on occasion.

Now, I know you would love Luke, but man would Avery Gray absolutely own you (it's ok, she owns me too).  I can not tell you how many times I have envisioned her running to you and you sweeping her up in your arms.  Of course you would try to play it off like you were not as happy as you really were when you saw her, but you would smile thru that gray beard of yours. 

I am positive you would laugh when she asked you about your big ears.  She would be your fishing buddy, much like Face (I call her shitface) was growing up.

We go to Bucco games, and we love them.  It reminds me of my favorite memory with you.  Luke lasts the entire time and he asks a lot of questions...like a lot...like to the point you would probably look at me and expect me to handle it.

I have learned a lot about being a father from you, whether it was intentional or not.

I am dating an amazing woman, I call her Dinkus.  I think you would really like her.  She would probably call you out on your crap, then the two of you would gang up on me.

Finally on this day, your 65th birthday, I want to say I miss you and I hope you are watching over me (I could use the help), and of course I love you Big Buckster!

Love,

Forever your Son

So, enjoy the stupid things in life...

I was sitting on the couch the other night with Dinkus and we were just watching TV.  Somehow we started talking about things that make us laugh (besides my looks, kickball ability, choice of clothes, etc.) 

I immediately thought of a clip I once saw on America's Funniest Videos.  It may be the stupidest thing you will ever see, but for some reason I can not even describe it without starting to cry from laughing.

It is a video of some little kid (I am literally smiling while typing this) running along a basketball court.  He starts out at the bottom of the screen all happy and probably thinking of that hot dog and coke he is about to get at the snack bar (I just laughed)...oh hell with it...here it is...

 

 

Seriously...I pee a little every time I see this.  I do not really know why (actually it's because I need some help).  It brings me great joy to see this little kid get crushed by a basketball (wow...I need a lot of help).

That got me thinking of the saying "Enjoy the little things in life" and of course I had to make it my own, so "Enjoy the stupid things in life".  If we can not laugh at stupid things, and lets face it a kid getting hit in the head with a basketball is pretty stupid, we need to reexamine our priorities.

I know I am not the only one that stresses too much about life and specifically the little things that I can not change.  I need something that I can count on (seriously, I think I just a peed a little watching this video again) to take my mind off of the stresses in life.  I need a stupid constant. A constant that will make me smile, laugh or pee a little.

Now this video is my stupid thing that I enjoy.  I hope that you have something stupid that you can look at when you have a bad day that always makes you smile (and I don't want to hear my spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend always makes me smile because we all know that's crap).  If you do not have a stupid thing that makes you laugh, I encourage you to scour the Internet and find something (please don't say this blog is your stupid little thing).

So, I have failed as a father...maybe

I picked up the Blonde Blur and Stud from the daycare just like I do on my days.  They were happy and in a great mood.  I told them if there was no whining and if they cleaned their rooms, I would order pizza for dinner (truth be told I was in no mood to cook no matter what).  They did very well with both tasks.

After eating pizza I put together Luke's pitch back (yep...they still make them).  They were out playing while I was folding clothes, just like I normally do every. single. day.  Then it happened...proof that I have failed as a parent...I wanted to cry...I wanted to yell...I wanted to punch the wall...they started singing Country Roads GASP!  For those that do not know that is the unofficial theme song for the West Virginia Mountaineers.  I know...I know, I should be flogged in a public forum.

I immediately sprung to my feet and bolted for the door.  I thru it open like that dude in that Christmas poem...you know the one about the night before Christmas, I never remember the name.  I just glared at them.  Stud looked at me and immediately he knew he was going to get a life lesson, Blur did not seem to know what she was about to experience.

I calmly called them over and sat them on my knee (I really did this) and asked where they learned that song, they said at day care.  I explained that the song they were singing was a song that was banned from this house (I really did this).  They both looked confused, so then I dropped the bomb...this is a University of Pittsburgh house, or Pitt house if you prefer. 

To my wonder, Stud got it.  He immediately started to chant Lets Go Pitt, Lets Go Pitt!   I beamed with pride.   I expected a similar reaction from the Blur, but to my chagrin I was to be disappointed.

She did not care when I explained that WVU was Pitt's rival (it took me a lot of time and a SpongeBob analogy for her to understand what a rival was), she was going to sing this song.  She went so far as saying she liked West Virginia...I know I wanted to cry a little too. 

I tried to hum the Pitt fight song...she did not care (I really did this).  I told her of Larry Fitzgerald's amazing catches against Oregon State and Texas A&M (I really didn't). I told her of Danny Marino, Mark May and even Andy Lee.  It did not matter, she was going to sing this song.

I have about 14 years until she goes to college, that gives me plenty of time to reconcile this heinous wrong.  Much like Shady McCoy going for the goal line, I will not be denied.  Mark my words Eer fans, I will win like Pitt won 13-9!

So, about Dinkus

So...

Crossfit gave me so much.  It gave me a healthier lifestyle.  It gave me stress relief.  It gave me a new passion for working out.  However, it also gave me the opportunity to meet Dinkus.

Now some background about Dinkus' and my relationship.  She had a crush on just about every single Crossfitter at our gym before she even noticed me.  I am fairly certain she noticed the kettle bells before she noticed me (to be fair, I kinda looked like one when I started).

We bonded over calluses, sweat (she is the sweatiest person I know), box jumps and double unders.  We started hanging out outside of the gym, we set up a company, we went to Pirate games (she kissed me there, no really she kissed me first), we golfed and we laughed...a lot...like an insane amount.  Basically, the last person to know we were dating was her. 

I would ask what we were or where we were headed, and she would give the same answer every...single...time.  She did not know what she wanted.  And thru all of it, I was ok with that.  Keep in mind she was very honest with me the entire time, at times painfully so.  That said, I would calmly remind her I would believe enough for the both of us.

I was patient (like Job patient).  I was patient because I saw who she was and who she was going to be.  She was by far one of the most competitive (it was the first thing I noticed about her), caring, funny, intelligent and stubborn people I had met (she's also a pretty good kickball player and a killer real estate agent (click here!)).  I knew that I had to try as hard as I could to keep her in my life...and I did.

Now I am sure she will tell you that I infuriated her at times (and still do), but she loves me.  I know this because while she claims not to be sentimental/cheesy/romantic, she is.  I know that even a small gesture from her is worth 10x more than a gesture from somebody else.  For example, while we were at the beach with another couple (Felbaum and Ten) she and Felbaum split off from Ten and I.  She wanted to get a picture frame for me for my birthday, which was a month away.  That may seem ordinary to some people, but that gesture meant the world to me.

Speaking of birthdays, I am not used to caring about mine.  I have a summer birthday, which typically meant a lot of my friends were on vacation during some of my childhood birthdays.  I am also a guy (really, I am), so usually I did not care about having a day be about me (truth be told, it usually makes me uncomfortable).

Well Dinkus was not having any of that.  She planned a day for us.  My favorite thing to do with Dinkus is play golf (well...it is my second favorite thing anyway).  She made a tee time at the course I learned how to play, she took me to dinner at my friend's bar (I love Oliver's Pourhouse in Greensburg, conveniently located behind the courthouse) and then we just hung out all night.  She was so excited to give me the frame, she gave it to me without the picture (it's the picture at the top, and I wasn't allowed to take the frame home since she didn't have the picture printed yet).  It was awesome, just like she is.

She can overreact to things, she is never wrong and her cardio is terrible (oops...did I just put that out there), basically she is not perfect (I can hear her now, "I'm not?), but she is perfect for me.

So, NOT making a choice

I was talking with a friend the other day and we got into a conversation about choices.  We both went off on a tangent about how inactivity and not making choices is actually a choice, and it is really the worst choice.

My kids do this to me all the time.  I will ask Avery (the Blonde Blur) what type of snack she wants.  Now at first I would just ask a general question (I'm a moron, it will serve you well to remember this), however I quickly learned to give her two choices.  While this change worked out better it did not completely end the frustration of me waiting for her to decide whether she wanted to eat the super-choco-fun-explosion candy banana or the pretzels.  She would just stare at me and say "Ummmmmm....."

This drives me nuts, like my eyes grow wide and want to scream at the top of my lungs (I don't...or do I?).  Finally I start counting, she knows when I get to three that I will make the decision and she has to live with it.   Right now we are at the point where she is smiling thru the one and the two, but she gets dead serious at about two and half.    She is choosing to not make a decision.

I would like to say it is only kids that make their decision by not making a decision, but lets face it, we all know people in our family, workplace, circle of friends, etc. that do the same thing.  You ask them a question, you start to slightly lean forward for their answer...you wait...you lean in even further...you wait more...your head is on your desk/table/between your knees...and finally you make the decision for them.

There should be a time limit for making decisions.  Sure I understand some decisions would be given more time, but I think we can all agree that after the agreed upon time we get to smack them (I wouldn't really smack them, I'm a Quaker after all).

It is like the people that do not vote that say, "I didn't vote for so-and-so."  Well you did not vote for them, but you did not vote for the other person either...so you made a choice to be nothing, nada, zip, zilch.  I am not an uber political person, this was just my choice for an example.

Perhaps an even better example is not making a decision to change.  If you are not happy with your weight, appearance, job or relationship, then you need to do something other than nothing about it.  Make an effort, try something differently, but for the love of all that is holy...make a decision!  When you are sitting on your hands, you are actively choosing to be inactive.

Perhaps I am writing this because I need more patience, which is entirely possible...actually, I have made my decision...I need you to make your decision.

So, life is challenging

Every time I think I have this life thing figured out, I am proven wrong (all together now...I'm a moron).

As I was cutting my grass this evening (tho I will be posting this in the morning, so should I say last evening), I had an epiphany...life is just a series of challenges.  Actually life is a series of challenges and how we react to them.

Nobody ever told me that life would be easy, but it would have been nice if somebody told me that life would be work (dang folks...a handbook would have been nice).  I turn 36 tomorrow (or today...or...I mean...whatever), and I have dealt with a decent amount of challenges.  Some of those challenges I have failed miserably (my father's passing) and others I have handled like a champ (divorce). 

When I look at the challenges I have owned (like a boss), it is because I was surrounded by great people.  On the other hand, when I look at the challenges I have failed, it is because I turned inside myself and expected things to get better on their own.  Things do not get better on their own.  Life takes work. 

Since I came to the conclusion today that life is a series of challenges, I also came to conclusion that overcoming those challenges makes me a better person (in other shocking news, people need air to live).  So basically, I need to work harder to get better.

I have let my self improvement get kind of derailed, and not for lack of a good reason (I've got a doozy) .  That said, it is not like the day has gotten shorter.  I need to put my big boy pants on and work harder.  Anybody can come up with an excuse on any day, I just need to stop with the excuses.

So Life...challenge me, kick me, punch me (not in the face), push me down, I want to work hard.

So, looking before you leap

I often hear you should look before you leap. I think that that can be bullshit at times. Why shouldn't we take risks, why shouldn't we believe in ourselves and others to the point where we can have blind faith, on occasion?

I am not advocating that we literally jump off of a cliff and hope we survive (tho I could name a few people that should leap from a cliff), I am however advocating that there are times where we just have to believe we will make it.

When I think back to some of the times that I have simply leaped and not looked, sure I've been burned, but there are also times where I have not only survived but thrived.

After my divorce, I was scared to death to do anything. Luckily I leapt into CrossFit. It was one of the best decisions that I ever made. I became healthier, I became stronger mentally (be quiet!), I met new people, and I met Dinkus.  Had I not decided to leap headfirst into CrossFit I could still be the doughy guy on the couch. Instead I am the slightly soft guy busting his butt at Innate fitness.

Again after my divorce, I was scared to date, I was scared to do anything that involved meeting women.  However I got out there, I met people from the online sites (don't ever use them, they are the devil) and I looked at them as practice runs.  They helped me shake the rust off of my game (which is basically the equivalent of Candyland).  Had I not simply jumped into the deep end in dating, I would not have been ready to date Dinkus. Dating Dinkus has been amazing.

I swore I would never go back into the medical field in any capacity. However several years ago I decided to leave a position where I was doing very well and to return to medical sales.  It was absolutely nerve-racking knowing that I would be going back into an industry that changed so much. However it is because of that change that I am finally happy in my career.

So again, please do not jump off a cliff, please do not risk your house on one hand of blackjack, please do not think you can beat that train across the tracks, but please be willing to take a risk every once in a while.