So, how wrong I was

Recently I ran into somebody at Innate Fitness that is going thru a divorce.  We got to talking and his situation is very similar to what mine was.  He is 33, just like I was.  He is a father, just like I was.  His housing situation was up in the air, just like mine.  He started at a new gym, just like I did.

While the conversation was going on, and after, I was reminded of all the thoughts that swirled around in my head during that time.  Man, I did not sleep, I did not eat, I did not want to go out of the house. 

I was convinced that I would not rebound. 

I constantly had nightmares about my kids growing up in a "broken" home.  Of course now I realize that they were in a broken home at the time.  I am a better parent because of my divorce.  I have to wear two hats, mother and father.  For fair balance my ex does the same thing when the kids are with her.

I was sure I would be alone for the rest of my life.  I looked at myself as an overweight, over 30, underemployed parent of two and thought I would repulse women faster than a fart after a protein bar (let that fester in your mind for a bit).   I never thought I would see another naked woman again (laugh, but every divorced guy I have talked with brings some form of this up).

I actually emerged from the divorce 80 pounds lighter and feeling better about my future.  After several months I went out on a few dates, tried the online dating thing (wow, does it suck coughchickwithaguncough), dated somebody for a little while and then met Dinkus.

The thought that I would be pitied also bothered me.  I felt like all eyes were on me when I went out.  I thought I could actually hear the conversations that were taking place in households across Western Pa about my situation.

I did not want anybody to talk to me in that tone.  You know the tone I am talking about.  You hear them talking to somebody else and then they turn to you and say with a huge sigh, "And how are you doing?" Of course they then lightly touch your arm, which is the international way we help people going thru a rough time.  I am actually surprised we still have famine in the world, all we should do is drop our voice a couple decibels and stoke some arms and all should be good.

I was so scared, and I had every right to feel that way. 

The good news is I was wrong in 99% of my fears.  There is hope at the end of divorce.  There is still love out there to be had.  I am 35, not 85.  I have a lot of my life ahead of me (here's to hoping my family's curse is over).

It has taken me over two years, hours of therapy, a lot of drugs (legal, as far as you know), countless conversations with friends, one amazing woman and some serious pulling myself up by my bootstraps to get to where I am.

I know my friend will get there, in time.