So, about the whole online dating thing...

So when I got divorced I knew that I was not the same person I was before I got married.  I knew that my views on the world, politics, religion, kids, etc. was completely different.  I am sure if you look back 10-12 years, you would wonder what the hell that person was thinking (I'm also sure that in 10 years I'll look back and wonder what I'm thinking now).

Unfortunately, the lack of self confidence and lack of guts I had before I was married when it comes to asking somebody out never left.  In fact it is probably worse now than it was in high school.  In high school, you had the sweaty pits and sweaty hands, you fumbled over words and you acted awkward, but in the end I was pretty resilient.  I just moved on to the next person (I was such a lothario, not at all).

Let me tell you something, as an adult I had hoped all that crap would have been controllable...nope, not a chance.  It is absolutely terrifying to put yourself out there.  I still have the sweaty palms and sweaty pits (and I think even my ears sweat somehow), I still get tongue tied, and I still act awkward, but to make it worse I have this whole I-am-aware-of-what-I-am-doing feeling while doing it. I do not know if it is because I am divorced or have kids or what, but I am keenly aware that I could be making an absolute ass out of myself (and on a much higher level than usual).  I have literally had a hard time physically saying words (those that know me, probably don't believe that). I have been terrified to put myself out there, because I thought being rejected can be one of the worst things ever.

So, I took a different approach to dating when I really decided I wanted to get back out there, I went the online route.  Now let me just say I have friends that have done well with match.com or eharmony.com, but I would not include myself in that group...not even close...I hate it...I bet the eharmony founder didn't use his service to find his wife.

First I tried match.com.  It is basically like signing up for Facebook. You put in your profile, add some pics, creep on some people's pages and send a wink/nudge/elbow to the face to somebody you think is cute or has a compatible profile. Of course match.com sends you about 5-7 profiles a day they think would be ideal for you, this is all based on...well...I don't know because they were so off I would have had better luck opening up the phone book (do those still exist) and pointing to a name.  I am a non-smoker with kids, I constantly got profiles sent to me where the people were smokers or did not want to date somebody with kids.  Well, I can't really do anything about the kids part (I didn't keep the receipts), and I do not think I want to do anything about the smoking part, so...

After wading thru the "picked specially for you" list, I would find a few that seemed to be normal, remember that word seemed, it comes back into play later.   I can not speak for anybody else, but I sent out quite a few unreturned messages and winks.  When I would get a wink or message from somebody I tried to respond, I really did, until the end of my subscription when I was letting it run out. 

So then I would get some responses back and some of the exchanges were nice, most were from hookers, some would start up then fizzle out and the occasional one would lead to a date who brought a gun with them.  Oh wait, did I mention a gun?

So after emailing back and forth for a week or two with what seemed (there's that word again) like a nice sensible person (she was a teacher, they're clearly sane, right...right?), we set a date to meet up.  We went to the movies and I got there first, and I waited.  She was late, and keep in mind she said she could see the theater from her house, but hey, things happen, right? I do, however, remember thinking this is not how it is supposed to be.  It did not feel right to me, but I was already there, so I was going thru with this.  She got there and we shared an awkward hug that feels like you're hugging a distant relative that you don't remember at all.  We talked a bit before the movie started and then settled into our seats.

After the movie, we decided to grab a few drinks so we could get to know each other better. She told me she was originally from the north hills part of Pittsburgh, but I noticed she had a New Jersey accent.  I asked her about it and she said she spent a summer there once (um ok). We got to talking and since it was in November the election was coming up and she started asking about my thoughts on politics.  I firmly believe there are three things you shouldn't bring up to somebody you first meet, religion, politics and Notre Dame football (all three will give you very passionate responses that could really blow up).  I did my best to dance around some of the questions, because I could tell she was passionate about it, but I was uncomfortable.  Somehow the political discussion turned to gun control.  I'm not a gun nut, nor am I anti-gun.  I have  hand guns and I have shot guns, but I do not hunt and I do not carry a concealed weapon.  I told her this, she did not like that at all.  Apparently I was supposed to be clearly on one side of this argument.  Her response, and I am assuming it was out of frustration, was to open her purse and show me that amongst the wallet, make up, some wadded up tissues, etc. was a handgun.  She informed me, in her New Jersey accent, that this should tell me where she stood (as if I didn't already know).  Shortly after that I asked the waiter for the check and walked her to her car.  This was clearly a loss for both of us, or so I thought.  At her car I gave her a hug and she asked if we could get together again.  It was at this moment that I realized I was wrong and I would rather be rejected, than do the rejecting.  I politely (I hope) told her that I didn't think it would work and she said ok and drove off.

Oh, and if you sign up for one of these sites, be prepared to get about a million emails begging you to sign back up, even if you opt out.