So, I need to follow my own advice...

I am completely addicted to Crossfit and working out, and I am not sure if it is good or bad.

I know the body needs rest and I know that doing two work outs a day is not always a good thing.  That being said, I love the feeling after getting done with a work out.  The exhaustion, that feeling of accomplishment, being sweaty (I really like to sweat, which is good, because I do it a lot), beating a previous personal record, seeing others finish (sometimes even after me!) and a lot of other feelings that I can not put into words.

I have said before what a release Crossfit is for me from my daily mental issues (and there are plenty), but it is also a way of making sure I do not slip back into bad habits.  I equate missing a day of Crossfit to forgetting to brush your teeth at night.  You know the feeling, I am sure.  There you are all ready for a good night of sleep (which with kids means a solid 5 hours) pulling the covers up, fluffing the pillows, getting ready for your mind to keep you up longer than you want (what, that's not normal?) when suddenly...BAM...you realize you forgot to brush your teeth.  You do not want to climb down the stairs, but there is some force inside you that is telling you if you do not brush your teeth, they will explode when you wake up.  So you drag yourself out of bed to take care of it.  That is exactly how I feel when I miss a Crossfit work out.  So, playing inner shrink, why the hell do I feel this way?

First and foremost, I am scared to death to become that top picture on the blog.  I was always slender growing up.  My parents told me I could not play football unless I put on weight, I drank so many milkshakes it would make Kelis jealous (for those less fortunate to know who Kelis is mmmm...milkshakes).  Now, if I think about a milkshake, even if it is made from wheat grass, almond milk, tofu and protein powder I would gain 5 pounds (damn...I just thought of it, didn't I?).

It is not just the physical appearance (tho lets face it, that's a big huge friggin' enormous part of it).  When I was that big, I did not have any self confidence.  No way could I have made the decision to go back to school, ask somebody out, think about starting a business (shhh...more coming on that soon), or move on with my life after my divorce, had I still remained that big.

I see that picture and immediately revert back to how I felt then, and I do not want to feel that way all the time.  Crossfit (which is my work out of choice, but anything is good) keeps me from sliding back (hey this is a great opportunity to say Just Keep Moving).

This is egotistical (shocker that I have an ego), but I do like having people that have not seen me in a while tell me they do not recognize me.  I was at Crossfit Latrobe last week and the sweetest lady told me she saw my before and after pictures on the website (chance to pimp CrossfitLatrobe).  I knew the kudos were coming, and they still feel good, but she went a step further.  She said she noticed I did not have a wedding ring and that finding that partner would not be difficult now.  That hit me right in heart (in a good way, not in the I-just-ate-five-orders-of-grilled-stickies way).  It was so nice to hear.  Obviously, I would not have heard that with the 70+ extra pounds I had before I started Crossfit.

So working out builds me up physically, mentally and helps build my self confidence, so why am I worried if being addicted to it is bad?  Oh yeah, because I am 35, not 18 and I can hurt myself, that is why.

I know that rest helps the body grow after work outs, it gets you ready for your next work outs, and it just feels good to sit on the couch some times and watch Masterpiece Theater The Simpsons.  I was forced to take two days off this weekend since I had my kids, and I felt good on Monday when I went back.  Without the distraction of my kids this weekend (kidstraction?), I know I would feel terrible not working out.

Look, I know rest helps my next performance and health, but...I do not think I can stop, nor do I want to.  When I look at feeling the way I do after a work out versus how I feel when I skip a day, I will risk (and make no mistake, it's a risk) going too much.

M