So about being a parent...

So when my son was born, he's the oldest of my two children, I knew life would change.  I figured this little ray of sunshine would help me in every aspect of my life.  HA!  I was an absolute idiot.  Some of the things I actually thought would happen are so ridiculous, I have to share some of them to show how wrong I was.

First, I thought I would get healthier.  I figured with a child I would cook healthier foods.  No more just grabbing something from the freezer, especially if I was also making a meal for my son.  No way would I shove processed garbage in his mouth.  I wouldn't be going to McDonald's or Wendy's or Burger King, etc. either.  I knew that stuff wasn't healthy, so no way was I going to subject the future greatest baseball player of all time to unhealthy eating habits.

I was a moron.  Things got even worse with my diet.  I rediscovered Kraft Mac N Cheese (curse you orange powder cheese), because it was easy and my picky eater son would eat it.  I also found that I liked some of those toddler-focused treats, you know the ones with a ton of calories and carbohydrates that are supposed to help your child get the caloric intake needed to grow, yep I would steal one or two or seven.  I also now know how McDonald's and other fast food places stay in business, it's easy and my kids will eat it.  It comes with a toy...a TOY people!  If that little toy can buy me five minutes of quiet, I would pay double for that Happy Meal.

Staying with the "I thought I would get healthier" theme, I figured I would get more active when my son was born.  I was wrong again.  Nobody really told me that the first six months after your baby is born they are a slug.  They don't do anything but look cute (I don't think slugs are cute), eat, pee and poop.  I would get home from work, spend time with the little guy on the couch, or on the rocking chair, or on the floor, or basically anywhere that wasn't requiring me to break my sedentary routine.  I actually became less active.  I didn't play golf as much or go out with friends, so I wasn't even getting that small amount of exercise anymore.

Second, I figured it was a no brainer that I would be that tough parent that made sure his kids would grow up to have that killer instinct and not want to get a trophy for simply competing.  What was I thinking?  Seriously, my son is six now and I loved how his face lit up when he got his baseball trophy and soccer medals.  He may not remember getting them when he gets older, but I won't forget it.  Sure, I know some people think that giving trophies for participation is the wussification of America, but my son is six and no offense to him, but I don't think he's going to be a pro athlete, so I hope he enjoys all the trophies he gets.

Third, since I had one child, a second child would be more difficult, but it couldn't be THAT much more difficult, right?  I am the dumbest person in America.  My son was/is an angel.  He listens, he goes to bed when he's told, he does his homework when I forget to remind him, etc.  He is 6 going on 50.  He is wise beyond his years, a good student and a good person, then there is his sister...who I love.  I wanted a little girl in the worst way after my son.  I wanted to be able walk her down the aisle (something my father didn't get to do with my sister), I wanted to dress her up in pink dresses and have her be this dainty little flower.  It's good to want things, I guess.

What I got when my daughter was born three years ago, is the complete opposite of my son.  She is a bruiser who likes to run around the house naked, hit her brother and yell the word poop.  She hates to go to sleep, so I have to sit with her for about an hour every night (those of you that I text at night, there is a 99% chance my daughter is laying beside me).  I never thought I would be a parent that spanked their kids, especially since I have never spanked my son, well that went out the window too.  Forget about little pink dresses and putting stuff in her hair, like I said she wants to be naked and she doesn't even want her hair brushed.  There are days when I look at her and think she could pass for a homeless zombie with peanut butter on its face.

Fourth, I wasn't going to take my kids out in public if they misbehaved or if they weren't presentable.  This might be the funniest of them all looking back.  At this point I'm happy if the socks match, forget about the shirt and pants.  I'm color blind to begin with, so I've at least got that excuse, but I can't use it when my son or daughter are rocking a new chocolate milk stain on their shirt.  However the last thing you want to do after you've spent an hour chasing them down to get them dressed, made sure they went to the bathroom, cleaned up some of their mess, wiped their faces, let the dog out, got dressed myself, found my phone/wallet/keys, buckled them into their car seats is take them back into the house because you just noticed that stain.  I used to see kids out and wonder what their parents were thinking, I don't anymore, because I know exactly what they're thinking.

I also used to wonder what parents were thinking letting their kids throw a tantrum in public.  Yeah...while I will remove my child from the viewing public, I no longer judge any parent for their child's actions (provided that child isn't 17).  I've been in public where things are going so smoothly you actually kid yourself that you're going to get to all the stores you need to hit that day, then the dam breaks and the inner tantrum floods the entire mall/restaurant/Barnes and Noble (so sorry Barnes and Noble).  I get it now, and for all the parents I judged in my head, I'm sorry.

Finally, I knew I would love my kids, but I had no idea how much I would love my kids. Not a day goes by that I don't look at them and get amazed.  The other day I saw my son playing a video game, and I got mesmerized by his hands using the controller. He genuinely loves sports, baseball in particular, which to me is the greatest gift he's given me.   My daughter suddenly started singing a song word for word that she remembered from the radio.  Every decision I make is influenced by them, and believe me that's a good thing, because I've made some really dumb decisions.  They are my stud and punkinhead.

I can't wait to see how wrong I am when they get older.

M