It is especially terrible now that it is cold and it is getting dark outside at 4:30 pm (is there anyway I can blame the government on this one?). No more working outside or sending the kids out to play to tire themselves out. Nope, cabin fever will be setting in at about 4:31 pm. Even worse, since I hate the cold, is I am stuck in the house.
Let me go over the list of things you can do when you are unemployed and you are stuck in the house: sleep, eat, clean, shower, use the bathroom, clean, watch tv, clean, and the worst of them all, apply for jobs.
Sure I am supposed to apply for jobs, and I am...constantly...over and over. It is very much like online dating (if you read my online dating entry, you know how much I loved that). It seems every company is trying to one-up each other on how hard it is to submit a resume. I do not mind entering my name, address, phone number and email address. I understand needing me to upload a writing sample, a resume and a cover letter, really I get that, but do I have to do it three separate times? I mean really, if you are trying to see who can get thru the online gauntlet with the fewest hairs left on their head, then you are doing a bang-up job. However, if you are trying to find somebody that wants to work for a company that does not enjoy torturing their employees, you may want to rethink your "automatic parsing" program that takes info from my resume and puts it where the hell it wants to on your site...just sayin'.
Once I have entered my information about six times (see as this entry grows, so does my nose), I finally get to the successful submission...wait...what the...I did not enter all the desired fields? Which one did I miss? Ok, after wading thru the previous 45 pages of information, I realize I forgot to check the box next to MR.
Ok, now I have the successful submission page. The next part is worst the part, I would rather fill out 1,000 online applications that make you enter your information eight times (hmmm...my nose is itchy) then go thru this next part, the dreaded waiting game (insert evil laugh here).
Seriously, when I see a position I know I could do, or one that I really think is interesting, it is exactly like online dating. I have checked their profile (wow that job looks great in jeans), I have let them know I am interested (that suave email I sent you with the attached duck face resume is from me, wink wink) and now I am going to sit by my computer and wait for you to respond...you ARE going to respond, right? You would not just let me sit here and stare at my laptop (that is currently missing the letter b, thanks Ave!) and hope you get back to me. Wait...was that a new email? Why yes it was, oh, it is just an automatically generated email saying you got my application (so you're saying there's a chance). That is ok, I will wait patiently. Ok I have been waiting for 20 minutes, what is taking you so long? I match up so well with you! Our children would be adorable! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
All joking aside, I really do hate the job hunt process. I already feel pretty lousy that I am not contributing to society and that I feel like I am letting my kids down, I do not need some computer program scanning my uploaded resume looking for keywords that might set off an email to an hr rep.
So if you know anybody that needs a copywriter, or an editor, or anything else that was popular before computers were invented, I am your guy. Just shoot me an email, text, phone call, carrier pigeon, a rock with a note wrapped around it thru my window, basically anything but a fax (who uses a fax machine anymore, geesh people).
Seriously...do it...now...please...I have been waiting for at least five minutes now!
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